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We Will Survive

Posted on: Wednesday

I must digress from my usual optimism, because it's been one of those days.  The kind of day where everything seems to be falling apart, luck is nowhere to be found, and life seems to be going impossibly wrong. It's actually been one of those kind of weeks. Come to think of it, 2012, so far, has been full of unexpected dire news. From unwanted career changes, to personal health concerns, to anxiety-inducing apartment trouble.  Then, to top it all off, our financial rug was suddenly pulled out from under us with no warning. It's days like this when I question my past decisions, and worry. Why didn't we save more? Did we really need to go on vacation a couple of months ago? {answer: absolutely. It was so very important that Biet meet her extended family} Are we in the right careers? Are we in the right apartment? Did we choose the right neighborhood? Why do bad things always seem to happen in threes?  Why can't our family just get a break?
I have been worrying myself sick all day.  Days like this are no fun. And then I look over and see baby girl, sitting on the couch and absolutely fascinated with a metal measuring cup, laughing and singing and simply happy to be alive. I want to work as hard as I possibly can to give her all that she needs, to keep her world magical and pure and full of love. I want to teach her to see the world with wonder, not fear. And I realize that she has some things to teach me too. I know that if she could speak, she would tell me "Mama, don't worry. It will all be ok. Now lets go have some oatmeal." But for now she says it with her eyes. So we went to the table and had some oatmeal together.
And I told her how thankful I am for her company. I am so grateful that she is such a healthy little girl. We may be stressed out at the moment about all sorts of grown-up mumbo jumbo, but we've never had to worry for a second about Biet's health and wellbeing. And that is huge.  Its what really matters.

Maybe our lives are all up in the air for a reason. Maybe all of this stress is pushing us, in a roundabout way, towards good change. A more structured life? More creative careers? A closer family (if that's even possible)? I am trying to take a cue from baby girl. I am trying to remember and appreciate all that is good and balanced in our lives. I am reminding myself of the enormous amount of love within our home. We are a family of tough cookies.  We will work night and day to get through these times. We will survive. And one day, we will sit together at the table and laugh about the hard times past, over oatmeal.

5 COMMENTS:

  1. I hope things start to look up for you guys. My 2012 has also started off pretty craptastic. Once you feel like things might be going okay, BAM, something else happens.

    Sigh.

    We keep moving forward though.

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  2. I've found that whenever super crappy things happen there's always an upside that one can't see when one is knee-deep in it. Regardless, I'm so sorry that things have been difficult and I hope that the silver lining shows sooner, rather than later.

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  3. Thanks Summer. I hope so too. xx

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    ReplyDelete

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