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GOING FOR IT

Posted on: Monday

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The winds are changing around these parts..

Its two in the morning and I'm finally home.  After being on my feet for nearly 12 hours it feels so good to be here laying down, feet up, typing away, with my baby sleeping soundly in the next room.  I've waited for this all night. It was a little crazy at the restaurant tonight, and I'm beat.

As I turned onto our sleeping Brooklyn block and called the babysitter to bring Nico downstairs, all I could think about was falling into bed.  But my Nico needed her late night walk, so on I went, for a few more blocks.  Gaby is still in midtown mixing sound for a plethora of bands. I hope he will be home before 4am. And I hope baby girl will sleep in tomorrow, but that's not likely.  She wakes up bright and happy with the daylight, ready to take on the world. And I love that about her.

I never thought that I would fantasize about having a 9-5, never. And to tell you the truth it sounds awful to me most of the time.  But sometimes, at the end of long nights like these, it starts to look good. Except for the 9am to be at work part, and the not spending days with my family part, and the corporate part.  For as long as I've been working I've held unconventional hours, because, frankly, it feels more natural to me. And it has always worked out, it is working out now. But for the first time it is beginning to feel a little bit harder.

I try to never write about the bad, the hard, the negative here on my little space of the internet. Partly because I like to stay in a place of gratitude for all of the wonder and love around me; and when I focus on the good, I end up seeing more good everywhere.  But mostly because what some might see as negative, I try to see as an opportunity for change. And change is beautiful. It is inevitable. And it leads to great things.

So its becoming more and more clear to me that a great change is on the horizon for this family of mine. Gaby and I have been setting the wheels in motion for a new career path for me, one that I have dreamt about and felt pulled towards for years.  I have always worked so hard, out there in the city, day and night, to make ends meet, to make it.  I really do pride myself on being a hard worker.  And then one day I realized that maybe, just maybe, if I worked this hard at what I love, a whole new world would open.

So I have decided to finally put myself out there and try to build a career based on creativity. For me, creativity is life.  It is what drives me everyday. We are still working out the details, and I will continue to pull long hours in the restaurants and bars awhile, but I have a plan. And I am taking the plunge. In a few months I hope to be working for myself (gasp!), which sounds so appealing and liberating. It will be a tremendous amount of work, but good work- gratifying work.

I am still wrapping my head around the notion of both Gaby and I being self-employed/freelancers. I think it will bring a much anticipated flexibility to our family, along with a bit of uncertainty.  But I won't allow for fear or nervousness. I am quite certain that following my dream is the only way to go, that good things are coming, and that this is all working out for a reason.  When I think about this new future that we are carving out for ourselves, I think of one of my all time favorite sayings, a quote by John Burroughs: leap and the net will appear.

And at the end of these long toilsome nights, when it feels like I am giving my all just to get by, I think about how soon I will miss these early days of juggling jobs and coming home at all hours. I will miss the energy and kinship of the industry. I will miss working a "foodie" job and learning more about cuisine and cooking than I could have ever imagined.  So I will appreciate it now. Because the times they are a changin'.

Out with the old and in with the new.  We're really doing it.


23 COMMENTS:

  1. what a cute post! really love that one! thank you so much for sharing!
    i love the way aou wrote this, it makes me think about some things, i love to listen to the strange (just because we don't know each other) voice of your telling me your thoughts and ideas, moments of life. thank you so much that you're blogging and that you share something of your life with us!

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  2. You are fantastic and anything you do will be fantastic! I'm so happy for you and sending a million good thoughts your way. Get it, girl!!

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    1. Ahhhhh I love your attitude and energy Julie! Thank you!

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  3. i'm so excited for you, belle! what a thrilling leap this will be for you and the fam. sometimes i like to think about life through the telling of it, like when you'll say to biet, "when you were a baby, i waitressed late at night and i would come home so late smelling like food and peek in on you sleeping. but then your papa and i decided that i could go to work for myself..." etc. this narrative style of looking at things has helped me get through a lot of hard times, and see the big-picture greatness in the good ones too. anyway, i ramble...what i mean to say is, congratulations!
    sarah (from native home)

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    1. That is such an amazing thought. Imagining this as just a page in our story does help me get through difficult times. xx

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  4. Exciting (and scary of course but more exciting!). You can do it!!

    xo Lilly

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    1. Thank you Mama Smith! It is a little scary, but I just keep pushing the fear away and getting to work. I know i can make it happen!

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  5. Life is about the chances we take to make the life we'll love to live~*

    http://aclosetintellectual.blogspot.com/

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  6. Good luck! You are amazing, and good for you for following your dreams!

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  7. Now that's what I call a leap of faith! I'm looking forward to what happens in the near future : ]

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  8. This is the first post I've ever read on your blog (just stumbled on to it!) and I love it. As an unconventional NYC girl myself, I can attest to the truth that those who go after what they truly want, always get it. Extra especially true in the magick that is New York :) x

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    1. Yes yes yes. With the magic of the city, anything is possible!

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  9. This is so exciting!!! My dad quit his corporate job when my sister and i were little to pursue his dreams... and he's still doing it and he LOVES it! He has taught us so much and he's seriously one of the hardest working men I know. You are going to love the slef employer thing. It's so liberating!!

    I love to read about other people's struggles, not to make myself feel better, but to know that i"m not alone in my own battles! Good luck and can't wait to read more!!

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    1. So good to hear from the point of view of a daughter whose parent did what I am attempting. I hope that Biet will be inspired and proud of her Mama when she is old enough to understand. Thank you!

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  10. Lea @leannerees4:52:00 AM

    I really resonated with this post. My boyfriend and I are setting our own wheels in motion so that I can leave a dull and unserving corporate environment to do something that I've always wanted to - become a teacher. Its goingt o take 4 long years of studies and working at a job I hate but I thinkt o myself, at least I have this job and can work at achieving my dream. I love the John Burroughs quote, it makes me think of something that propels me forward on days when I just don't know what to do anymore 'The universe applauds action' and right now Belle, its clapping really loudly for us both :)

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    1. :) Good job and good luck to you!

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  11. I feel lucky to have chanced upon your very inspiring post...I think a time should come in every person's life when they get the opportunity to live the life of their dreams instead of just shuttling to make ends meet for their family...I think I can too see that ray of hope!!

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  12. How cute is my little niece! I wish this picture was my desktop! It would make my corporate job a lot more enjoyable to see that little snapping turtle everyday!

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  13. So awesome that you are taking that plunge Belle! You will do well. There are certain things you may miss from time to time about working for others, but trust me...not that much! Soon when you are working for yourself and find you are beat at the end of the day you will know that that 100% of that energy went into your family and your passions.

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