Don't let that cute face fool you.
I am not sure what has happened to my toddler. One day, she's a rambunctious nearly-21-month-old, and the next, a blubbering baby again. A few days ago, Biet decided to boycott all solid food, all naps, bedtimes, and routine in general. She began waking up every couple of hours all through the night. She completely stopped telling me "poo!" when she wanted to sit on her potty (and since we have come so far, so effortlessly, this one is throwing me for a loop). She decided that bottles of goat milk and almond milk are all that she will consume, and flat out throws a temper tantrum when I try to give her any real food. And she wants to nurse about 15 hours a day. I am exhausted.
I've heard of children regressing in behavior once a new sibling comes along, but before they arrive? Could it be?? Gaby is convinced that she senses change afoot and somehow knows that a new baby is on his way to kick her out of her throne (he tells me this every day with more and more excitement in his voice, saying "Maybe she's acting like this because he is coming today!" He cannot wait). I have a feeling that her yet-to-emerge canine teeth may have something to do with it. Regardless, I am beginning to feel the tiniest bit of anxiety about having two.
Just as we were settling into peaceful routine in anticipation of this baby boy, and just as I was really beginning to feel empowered at the notion of attending to children, Biet's complete reversal to babyhood has me questioning myself and doubting my capabilities. How much sleep deprivation will I be able to handle? How in the world am I supposed to change two diapers at once, in the middle of the night? Is tandem nursing going to be absolutely insane? (and how exactly will that work out in public? On the subway? In a restaurant?). Will we be driven completely insane?
Of course, I know that we'll figure out how to be a family of four in due time, and that I'll figure out how to live with the challenges of being a mother of two closely-spaced babes one day at a time. I know that after this birth, all of the love and beauty in our family will be magnified beyond what we could have ever imagined. I know this in my heart, and I keep repeating it to myself.
I just hope that this darling little girl of mine eases up with her stubbornness and lets me help ease her back into some sort of eating and sleeping routine, because we are all too tired to keep up with this madness. And I hope that I can somehow make her understand that she will always be my baby girl, no matter how many others may come after her.
*My yellow neck cowl was made by the lovely Hannah*