The world has seemed so in tune lately- in harmonized tune, in perfect pitch, bending and aligning into a rhythmic song. And that's not to say that it's been a sweet song of ease and happiness (although sometimes it is, but more often it's a rambunctious tango or an agitated electric number or a booming opera), but at the moment it's flowing in a way that seems to make sense. Although lately things have seemed impossible, chaotic, with little direction and even less order, somehow I've still happened to cross paths with exactly who I need to, and the train has been coming right as I've entered the station, and my schedule has been falling into place just so, and the world seems so in tune.
I've been getting very little sleep lately. Lucien's teeth are pushing their way through, and my work hours sometimes stretch into the wee hours, and, combined, they equal one very exhausted Mama. It's been tremendously strenuous on basically every aspect of my life. Our apartment is, more often than not, a complete disaster. Piles of laundry rule the bedrooms, dishes pile in the sink, and grubby little baby and toddler hands successfully attempt to spread food and toys throughout the whole house on an hourly basis. Gaby and I hardly find the time to kiss each other hello, let alone have a decent conversation or, gasp, go on a date. Our days are so full. Our lives are so full. But, also, our hearts are fuller than I ever knew possible. In all of this daily chaos and exhausting work/life (im)balance, a growing voice seems to whisper, over and over, and louder and louder, "this is exactly as it's meant to be."
When I wake up in the morning and have those few moments of peace and quiet, before it all starts over again, I hear this voice. And I try my best to be thankful for all that is happening. This is our song, right now. It's a song of chaos, booming and wailing to a dizzying beat, dying down to a low croon, and then looping around into an instrumental frenzy. And I find that if we work hard, try to go with the flow, and do our best, we can move right along with the beat. I am actually so damn grateful for this song.
I feel lucky, so lucky, to have two amazing people to dance through these days with. At home, inside the walls of our apartment, I have my husband, who waltzes with me through our child-rearing, task-juggling, future-dreaming, day to day adventures. He is my city within our city. He is my cheerleader, caregiver, advisor, and partner in crime. He is really my everything. And at work, though endless computer marathons and within the dreamt-up walls of our future studio, I have my partner, who pirouettes across the city with me to meetings and leaps through the start-up challenges of our company and stays up late into the night on the phone with me, building. We are building something dream-worthy. And I feel immensely blessed to have found, in this crazy city, in this huge world, a like-minded dreamer alongside whom to work. These two people are my tribe.
All that we need is already here. Whether I can see it or not, I know that it is true.
I was walking along The Highline the other day, gazing out upon the skyline, and I knew. I knew that amidst the madness, or maybe because of it, the world was falling into tune. I knew that I was in a place of creation, and I knew, as I always know, that this place was the most natural place in the world for me to be. When I am making, I am happy. I looked out upon the city and I felt things aligning. I felt like it was mine, all mine; I felt like anything was possible.
And in my heart I know that, regardless of day to day challenges, anything is.